Tuesday, September 16, 2008


Let’s talk about change. This seems to be the left’s big selling point for Obama; he’s going to change things. Details are hard to come by, and his detractors always point out, “Can’t ‘change’ also mean for the worse?” However, I say let’s really go for it. Let’s dive right in and engage in some real change.

First, let’s change our economic system. Instead of capitalism let’s make a socialist one, you know, like Cuba has. You can judge the efficacy of that system by noticing how many Cubans paddle over with their kids on air tubes to escape from Michael Moore’s favorite paradise. We could also imitate Europe, who the left so idolizes, and perhaps change our unemployment rate and state of inflation in the process to match theirs.

Our medical health care system needs to be changed, so we’re told. How about we go all the way and implement the socialized system that Hilary failed to create, and that Obama wants another shot at, you know, like Canada or Great Britain has. They have ample time to tell you all about their system what with all of the strikes, and travel time coming to the U.S. for healthcare.

Let’s change our system of government too, while we’re at it. Instead of a representative government, let’s go with Communism, you know, like the U.S.S.R. had, or like China now has. Thomas Jefferson said an informed citizenry is vital to the preservation of a republic, and based on the acumen of the average voter these days, I’d say now is the time to throw in the towel anyway.

Let’s change our borders. In fact, let’s just do away with them all together. Just think of all of the third world people we can help with taxpayer funded entitlements like Medicaid, Medicare, and Social Security. Heck, let’s just all change our lot in life and hand over the keys to our house, car, bank account, etc. to foreigners who don’t care to speak our language, or learn about our history. Just because multilingualism and multiculturalism lead to conflict everywhere they have existed is no reason not to try it here. Look what happened to Lebanon in the 1980s.

Let’s continue changing our education system. We’ve already done some important work in this area such as removing George Washington’s name from public schools across the country, and putting up Martin Luther King in it’s place. We’ve begun teaching less about our forefathers, and more about Native Indians, and things like the Pueblo people and Mexican pottery, but why stop there? Let’s cover the forefathers on the first day by telling our youth that they were just a bunch of slave owning, wealthy, white, male hypocrites who left a legacy of shame, and then just skip to the 60’s and Woodstock where America found it’s soul for the first time. The 80’s were a step back, but the 90’s were a true enlightenment reminiscent of the Renaissance. Then Hitler the second took over, and with Darth Vader as Vice President, tried to rule the planet, but the savior Lord Barack Obama rescued the world from imminent doom. The End.

We all know the war on terror is a fraud. What we need is a war on conservatism. Anyone who says anything hurtful, despite its validity, ought to either be silenced or arrested. So, the next time some talking head on the radio asks why a disproportionate number of blacks commit crime in this country, complains about illegal immigration, or dares point out that women are different from men, then not only should he lose his job and his name be disgraced, but perhaps we should consider incarceration, or re-education. Once he gets a peace sign tattooed in the middle of his forehead, promises never to cut his hair again and begins wearing a scrunchy made of hemp, and promises to support the Fairness Doctrine, then he may be released.

While we’re on a roll, let’s change the Bill of Rights too. Freedom of the press- who needs that? Why are we the only country with a free press, who do we think we are? Freedom of speech is outdated, after all, noble nations like Cuba, China, Saudi Arabia, Iran, and North Korea seem to be doing just fine with out it. Just look at their citizens and the frozen smiles plastered on their faces. Why is America such a maverick nation? We should be more like the rest of the world and fit in better, as the left keeps lecturing.

The right to bear arms has to go, I mean look how well it works out in countries that ban guns like most European and Asian nations. Tiananmen Square ring a bell? You won’t see riots in this country like those that took place in France last year, that is, until we ban guns, of course.

We need to add some rights like that of abortion. Seem as it stands right now, there is nothing in the Constitution that guarantees this right. A handful of people in black robes are responsible for it vis-à-vis fiat, and, as Barack Obama supports, late term abortion. The same goes for affirmative action- no constitutional right, just a decree from the Supreme Court. While were at it, let’s make a lack of ‘diversity’, and any English speaking requirements, felonies. Gay marriage ought to have it’s own place on the ‘Rights’ chart as well.

We can’t forget animals and plants so we need to add a right guaranteeing bushes & trees, cats & dogs, etc. equal, if not superior rights, to human beings (this goes double for white males, of course).

Let’s also change our vehicles for mother earth, and simply drive those little bugs like they have in Europe. The added benefit is that we’ll all look alike, and all have the same chance of death in the event of an automobile accident. That’s fair!

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